When is she going to hang it up?
Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=12065399
Published in Crows Feet in Medium.com, Oct, 15, 2023
Leonard Downey, the former executive editor of the Washington Post, turned 80 last year and started keeping a diary of his ups (his wife, family and his writing) and his downs (his literal falls). He recently published in the Post excerpts from the diary under the article Leonard Downie’s 80th Year. He mentions in the article that he has joined the company of Charlayne Hunter-Gault, Barbra Streisand, Harrison Ford, Paul McCartney and President Biden.
He could have gone on to mention many more names and as of this month, he could also have mentioned me. But, since he doesn’t know me, he probably won’t. That’s okay. I’m not up there in the social stratosphere. I’ll get cards and calls from friends and maybe flowers from my partner and that’s recognition enough.
I found Downie’s piece interesting and felt motivated to second his proposition, that being to show it’s not all over at 80.
I read a lot of what others of my generation have to say about aging here and elsewhere. I look to them for tips and danger signs, but even more for encouragement.
I also read many pieces from younger writers about the subject, especially those navigating through their 40’s and 50’s I think it’s fair to say that the younger writers express much more anxiety about aging than the older writers do. Obviously there are exceptions, but I think the generalization holds.
Maybe when you’re of an age when long range hopes bump up against short range realities, you stop worrying and learn to love the bomb heading toward you. At least not to fear it. Then, too, you’re at an age when you take on responsibilities toward others by your own choice, rather than by obligation or need. Those that you might have raised or nurtured are independent and probably more solicitous of you than you are of them.
On the other side, there are those who have cared for you and brought you to this point in your life. They would be parents, teachers, friends, employers, but many of them have probably passed on. Downie mentions some of these.
With luck, you’ve paid whatever debt you may have owed these folks and can take comfort in their memory. See them for the good people they were to you and thank them silently that they gave your life shape and luster.
But that’s being borderline sentimental. What’s more important to explore is the stuff you do that increases your value in the here and now. I mean value to yourself more than value to others, though the two intersect importantly.
In my case I don’t know how my 80’s are going to work out, but since your 70’s are a kind of rehearsal for the 80’s, I’ve got some ideas, some of which might carry over.
Here’s a concise list of my major doings and things done to me during my 70’s.
At 70 exactly I lost my second partner to Lewy Body disease, but found another one at 74. Actually he found me. I wasn’t actively looking, only sniffing around.
I had a heart attack, but laid a bet with my cardiologist (a young man) that I wouldn’t have another one. So far I’m winning, but it’s cost me a gym membership and a pacemaker.
I started a career as a newspaper columnist, which metastasized into a personal blog and all of this that I’m doing on Medium. The column forces me out of my natural introverted self to engage with interesting strangers and ask them about their lives.
I took courses at the lifelong learning program at our local university and went the next step to design and deliver two courses of my own. Poorly attended, but that happens when you’re building your brand.
I also decided that I needed to be more verbally combative for and financially supportive of good causes. So I demonstrate, write op-eds, volunteer, and write checks. I live in the state with the poorest prospects for delivering the American Dream to its citizens, so much so that many, too many give up on it and leave to go dream elsewhere.
I also write about community and resilience and celebrate those who do stay and contribute. And then there are the politicians who seem determined to rob people of their dreams, not out of malice, so much as ignorance. I bad mouth them.
And I found literature after a 50-year hiatus, during which career and work took priority. I read a lot now and do it better than I ever have. And I discuss what I read with like people in several book clubs.
And I passed my 10-year milestone in being cancer free, though I still sit kind of gingerly because of the lingering effects of the treatments.
Lastly I adventured. I sought seclusion in a far away place — Newfoundland — and found a house, a welcoming community, but no one who wanted to marry me. So I couldn’t get a health card. The heart attack and COVID closing the border for two years made me sadly give up the adventure after five years. I miss cold summers.
This litany of things one retired person did in his 70’s is obviously just suggestive. It’s nobody else’s how-to list and shouldn’t be taken as recommendations for how you can make the most of your golden years. It just shows you that it’s not the end of the line and I hope it allays some fears.
I believe that my 80’s are going to not just be more of the same either. They’ll likely be a bit slower (Downie talks about that), and I suspect they’ll be different. Everything I do now could change, with the exception that there will not be any new partner. I’m still breaking in the new guy, after all. Or, more likely, he’s breaking me in. We’ll see.